Five Things About Sam
by MissAnnThropic
Summary: Five things people don't know about Sam Winchester... not even his family.


Title: Five Things About Sam

Author: MissAnnThropic

LiveJournal: miss_annthropic(dot)livejournal(dot)com

Summary: Five things people don't know about Sam Winchester… not even his family.

Disclaimer: None of it's mine. I'm just a sad little fangirl that spends her days writing fanfic and watching DVDs of her favorite shows :(

Author's Note: This was something of an exercise for me. Personally, I usually hate 'five things' fics, and there sure seem to be a lot of them out there. I just don't get the appeal, so to try and overcome my prejudice I decided I'd challenge myself to write one. Also, I only ever write about Dean, so I clumped two experiments into one and decided to make this a Sam story to boot.

* * *

1.

When Sam was real little, he was scared of women. Men and other children didn't bother him, but grown women did. Any of them tried to talk to him, and he'd scurry behind Dean and wait until whoever she was was gone.

They always thought it was cute, how shy Sam was.

It was really fairly pathological. Sam's young life, as far as he could remember, was made up entirely of men. Dean and Dad. Uncle Bobby. Pastor Jim. Caleb. Joshua.

Rarely, if ever, any women.

Women seemed frightening, supernatural creatures to little Sam Winchester. He'd stand behind Dean, one little fist gripping Dean's shirt tightly until the unnaturally high voice stopped talking and the fake flower smell went away.

* * *

2.

Sam had his first vision when he was eight years old.

He had always been prone to nightmares, and for eight years Sam would wake up scared and upset and go crawl into bed with Dean. Dean always made him feel safe, and he always pulled Sam to him in his powerful big brother arms.

Until Dean's twelfth birthday and he decreed they were both too big for Sam to be climbing into bed with his big brother. John took Dean's side, of the opinion it was time Sam started learning to handle his problems instead of running to his brother… told Sam he wasn't a baby anymore.

The nightmares got worse at first, as if knowing he couldn't snuggle up against his brother made Sam even more scared.

Then one night, it _hurt_. Nightmares had never hurt before. They had never been blinding flashes of light and the things he saw never seemed so _real_… the woman he watched die had looked _right at him_.

When Sam ripped himself awake, his head splitting and his stomach in knots, Dean grumbled at him to be quiet from across the room. Sam rolled over, tucked the covers up tight underneath his chin, and cried himself silently to sleep.

Whether he was crying from the agony in his head or the agony in his heart, he wasn't really sure.

* * *

3.

Sam kissed another guy once. It wasn't even when he was off at college and experimenting while out from under the hawk-like eyes of his family. It was when he was fourteen, the other boy's name was Jeffrey, and it had been a little too thrilling because if Dad knew, he'd be furious.

Sam kind of wanted Dad to catch him. Wanted Dad to be disgusted and repulsed by his son maybe being gay and disown Sam, because then maybe he wouldn't have to live the Winchester life anymore. Sam could make out with Jeffrey forever if it would mean no more moving, no more hunting, no more training, no more salt lines, holy water, or silver.

He stopped seeing Jeffrey because Sam got scared Dean would catch him, and he couldn't stand the idea Dean might find his little brother repugnant.

* * *

4.

Sam always wanted to suggest to Jess that they try rough sex, but he could never get up the nerve. He was a little scared of how she'd react. He was a little scared how he might. There was no question he had a lot of old, buried anger in him, and maybe he was foaming at the mouth to try it rough more than he really should.

He'd hate himself if he hurt Jess, and he was pretty certain he would if she gave him the go-ahead to be rough with her.

When he gave up hunting for school, Sam found himself itching to pummel something. He'd never known that aggression was a natural part of him until his outlet was gone. It was terrifying for Sam to think he might _need_ the hunt.

He took up strenuous exercise instead.

Jess appreciated the end result.

If she knew why Sam did it, she would appreciate it even more than she did when she ran her hands over his toned back.

* * *

5.

When he stopped fighting it, stopped resisting what the demon blood in his veins had changed him into, Sam _liked_ it.

Even after Dean came back, Sam enjoyed the new power in him. It had little to nothing to do with Ruby, though Dean was adamant Ruby was the source it all. It had little to nothing to do with saving the world, though that's what he told Dean it was all about.

Sam had spent his entire childhood out of control and too small to effect his own fate. It was always what Dad said, then what Dean said. Go here, go there, don't move, run, don't touch that, thumb off the safety, kill it, burn it, exorcise it, stop whining every time we move. Never what Sam wanted. A lifetime wanting to scream at the top of his lungs and knowing no one would hear.

Now Sam could make the whole world stop with a wave of his hand. He was unseen and unheard no longer.

He _liked_ that.

END


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